Pros and Cons of Hindu Arranged Marriages
Hinduism defines marriage as a sacred and obligatory relationship between two individuals that lasts for seven or more lifetimes. Marriage is the second of four stages of life, known as Grahastha Ashram, and involves the bride's and groom's entire families. An estimated 80 to 90 percent of marriages are still arranged in more than 40 percent of the world's population as of 2011.
Love
Most westerners wonder how arranged marriages work if the couple doesn't love each other before they agree to get married. However, Hindus believe that love comes after marriage, the way water first heats and then boils. Because marriage is seen as an obligation to fulfill their destiny and obtain moksha, love is not seen as a necessary prerequisite. Most also believe that love is grown and nurtured, like a flower, through actions and emotions the couple will experience once they truly get to know each other. It would be almost impossible to label the absence of love before marriage as a pro or a con, though, as the instance of divorce is less than seven percent in the predominantly Hindu country of India where arranged marriages are prevalent. By contrast, the divorce rate in America, where love marriages are the norm, is an astounding 50 percent.
In some ways, the arrangement of the marriage is a pro because the couple is paired based on religious, educational and financial compatibility, and thus there are fewer dissimilarities to come between them. As a con, there is a chance that love will never develop. However, the possibility remains that the couple will find affection, mutual trust, respect and understanding, and they can be happy with those circumstances just as marriages of convenience in American culture can be.
Mutual Understanding
Respect, trust and mutual understanding are important in any marriage. In Hindu marriages, the couple has predefined roles that each person is expected to complete. Though traditional, it is often understood the wife will cook, clean and care for her husband's needs. She will also bear children and care for them. Her ultimate goal is to take care of all matters for the home. The husband is expected to earn enough money for her to take care of the home, purchase needed items and to save for their future. It is also the husband's role to take care of any of her needs as they arise. With these guidelines already provisioned, the couple comes into the arranged marriage with the understanding that both partners' needs will be taken care of. These expectations are not often communicated in love marriages.
However, with the inexperience most couples who are party to arranged marriages have, there are a lot of things they may not communicate before the wedding. With the understanding of their roles, topics may arise such as how many children to have and when to have them, but topics such as fears and anxieties may not be discussed. The new bride is expected in many cases to leave her family behind and move in with the groom's family, and must learn to interact and establish her place in his family. As they are not yet close, she may not feel capable of expressing her negative emotions to her husband. Thus, the lines of communication are not as open as they would be in a love marriage.
Family
In arranged marriages, the entire families of the bride and groom are deeply involved in every aspect. They hand-select the couple, plan all the event details, and afterward the mothers help care for offspring and any needs of the couple. Cousins, aunts and uncles, even those rarely seen, will participate and do their part in the wedding festivities and all related ceremonies.
Unfortunately, not all family members get along, and it becomes even more difficult to mingle when your spouse does not get along with your family. Strained relations can cause tension between the couple, especially in those circumstances where the bride lives in the husband's family home and does not interact well with other members of the household.
Love
Most westerners wonder how arranged marriages work if the couple doesn't love each other before they agree to get married. However, Hindus believe that love comes after marriage, the way water first heats and then boils. Because marriage is seen as an obligation to fulfill their destiny and obtain moksha, love is not seen as a necessary prerequisite. Most also believe that love is grown and nurtured, like a flower, through actions and emotions the couple will experience once they truly get to know each other. It would be almost impossible to label the absence of love before marriage as a pro or a con, though, as the instance of divorce is less than seven percent in the predominantly Hindu country of India where arranged marriages are prevalent. By contrast, the divorce rate in America, where love marriages are the norm, is an astounding 50 percent.
In some ways, the arrangement of the marriage is a pro because the couple is paired based on religious, educational and financial compatibility, and thus there are fewer dissimilarities to come between them. As a con, there is a chance that love will never develop. However, the possibility remains that the couple will find affection, mutual trust, respect and understanding, and they can be happy with those circumstances just as marriages of convenience in American culture can be.
Mutual Understanding
Respect, trust and mutual understanding are important in any marriage. In Hindu marriages, the couple has predefined roles that each person is expected to complete. Though traditional, it is often understood the wife will cook, clean and care for her husband's needs. She will also bear children and care for them. Her ultimate goal is to take care of all matters for the home. The husband is expected to earn enough money for her to take care of the home, purchase needed items and to save for their future. It is also the husband's role to take care of any of her needs as they arise. With these guidelines already provisioned, the couple comes into the arranged marriage with the understanding that both partners' needs will be taken care of. These expectations are not often communicated in love marriages.
However, with the inexperience most couples who are party to arranged marriages have, there are a lot of things they may not communicate before the wedding. With the understanding of their roles, topics may arise such as how many children to have and when to have them, but topics such as fears and anxieties may not be discussed. The new bride is expected in many cases to leave her family behind and move in with the groom's family, and must learn to interact and establish her place in his family. As they are not yet close, she may not feel capable of expressing her negative emotions to her husband. Thus, the lines of communication are not as open as they would be in a love marriage.
Family
In arranged marriages, the entire families of the bride and groom are deeply involved in every aspect. They hand-select the couple, plan all the event details, and afterward the mothers help care for offspring and any needs of the couple. Cousins, aunts and uncles, even those rarely seen, will participate and do their part in the wedding festivities and all related ceremonies.
Unfortunately, not all family members get along, and it becomes even more difficult to mingle when your spouse does not get along with your family. Strained relations can cause tension between the couple, especially in those circumstances where the bride lives in the husband's family home and does not interact well with other members of the household.